Friday, January 1, 2010

010110

True Story. I was a total failure to my two piano teachers growing up. The first one learned early on that I played by ear. She told my mother not to worry. She would simply solve the "problem" by not giving me anything to play I had previously heard. I guess living in rural Oklahoma she didn't get the memo that there were studio musicians in L.A. making a comfortable living using their "ears" the same way I did.

The second teacher was just flat out weird. He & his wife taught out of offices in their morbidly depressing stale, dingy, dark home that smelled like an ash tray with dim lighting. What's worse, their dysfunctional teenage son raised cain to incoming students in their living room waiting for their lesson time. At one point I even remember getting in trouble by the mom for (get this) letting her simmering beans in the kitchen burn! Now how was I to know? Hey lady, if you don't know how to properly soak & simmer your beans for dinner there's not much some little insecure fourth grade dude planted on your couch waiting for musical instruction from your Frankensteinesque husband can offer!


She never picked up her feet either when she walked...which always bugged me. I half expected her to electrocute herself to oblivion every time she walked across her living room with the amount of static she had to be accumulating. Sheesh. It's like she was cross country skiing only minus the the skis, snow & country.

I started to type the words "I never practiced" but that's not entirely true. A more accurate statement would be "I seldom practiced the highly disposable compositions I was assigned". Like- "Ten Lil' Indians" (shouldn't that be "Ten Lil' Native Americans"???) or some doofus song about two dogs doing tricks, Beer Barrel Polka, astronauts descending to the surface of the moon (granted, the cover on that sheet music was cool) or some obese bullfrog perched on his frickin' Lilly pad waitin' for flies. As they say on ESPN...'Come On Man!"

I might have been in Elementary School but I wasn't that stupid! You think some lame tune about a silly Circus Calliope coming to town is going to make me the life of the party? Puh-lease!

Instead, I spent my practice time trying to recreate such enduring classical masterpieces as "Eye of the Tiger" by the world renowned late 20th century composers from the spirited ensemble "Survivor".

Okay, okay. In all fairness I did pick up a few things musical along the way about bird's eyes, whole & half rests & Every Good Boy Does Fine (updated version: Every Greedy Bad Democrat Fails).

So all was not lost.

By early Jr. High the great experiment conducted to mold me into a classically trained pianist ended abruptly one afternoon when my parents received a hand written letter in the mail from none other than Egor/The Hunchback of Notre Dame himself saying "Don't ever come back."

Don't worry!!!!

"...And there was much rejoicing!" (quietly in the confines of my back bedroom of course) ;-)

Which brings us to our little binary title of today's entry. You see, I wasn't like many a traditional music student. I approached the piano the same way I do a new year...as a fresh, blank canvas with endless possibilities. I don't oppose Structure/formal training in the least (I have a Bachelor's & a Master's to prove it). It certainly has it's place. But so does limitless, unshackled imagination. In my humble but accurate opinion the two worlds are by no means mutually exclusive. That's how light bulbs, the telephone & Beethoven's 9th ever came about.

Like Physicians, there are many different kinds of musicians. Some are superb accompanists who can virtually read fly droppings from twenty yards. Others have devoted their life's work to the complexities of the human heart. Some are double reed specialists, while others are a voice for the dead (Pathology). Still others can bang out a mean tune to boogie to on the dance floor while some go into family practice.

So not only does one size not fit all, but one size should never fit all! Our Creator embedded each of our hard drives with a slightly different skill set (& many variations there of) to cultivate & use. That's what keeps the world spinning dawg! ;-) As we've all heard before..."It takes all kinds..."

Today the old has been torn away, revealing a fresh, unused canvas with the new year upon us. What a perfect opportunity to push your confines. Choose your colours wisely.




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